Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
