u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
