I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
