Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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