The best revenge is premature balding
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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