bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
