I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
