She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
