How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
