Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
