Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
