Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
