I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
