me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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