i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
