Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
