Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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