it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
