Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
