Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
