He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He passed out mid-signature
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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