I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
