he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
