I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
