What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
