Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
