bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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