if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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