I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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