the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
