I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
