my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
