Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
