so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
