I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
