the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
