Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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