I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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