when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
