it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sorry my hands just texted you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
