i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
