so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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