God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
