I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I AM VODKA MAN
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
