I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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