i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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