I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
