I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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