Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
