if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
