I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
