i need an iv and a liver transplant
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Who died my cat blue again?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
