I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
