Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
