Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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