the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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