the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
