I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I am full of burrito and curiosity
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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