"it" just moved
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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