end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
