then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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