No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
