Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
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this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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