My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
