I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
