It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
only you would photoshop your dick
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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