K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
