I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
dude. I can hear the air.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
