So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
