So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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