My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
