Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize