Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
