dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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