i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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