Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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