Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
