The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
